Sunday, December 28, 2008

Super Friends and Rice Krispy Elves

Hi all!

Happy Belated Christma-hanu-kwanza-kuh Solstice!

The beginning of Chapter 4 of Well Done, My Good and Faithful Servant continues to elude me (and I live in fear of being hunted down by the folks looking for the next installment of my Superman fan fic Love's Divine). So I just thought I'd share some random thoughts.

1. Are Dumbledore, Snape and McGonagall the Super Friends of Hogwarts? I mean think about it. Dumbledore is the leader, not to mention the only wizard Voldemort ever feared. And if you saw Order of the Phoenix you'd know why. So he's the strongest. The nifty blue robes don't hurt. And although he's not all that into solitude, his office does have a fortress-y quality about it. Not to mention he always prefers to think the best of people. He is clearly Superman.

Snape of course is a no-brainer. He's Batman. His black robes billow out around him like bat wings. He's dark and grim and thinks the worst of everyone. He always seems like he's capable of some pretty lethal violence. And he hangs out with Death Eaters for crying out loud! Okay he's got no utility belt, but he's got a wand and he's always fiddling around with potions; Batman loves a good toxin, especially the ones that knock out the bad guys. And no he doesn't have a Batmobile, but he lives in the dungeons. If we were honest about it, his "bat cave" is bigger than Batman's.

McGonagall, of course, is Wonder Woman. She's a mite older; she could be Wonder Woman's mother's mother. But at least she gets to keep her butt cheeks covered! Sure Wonder Woman gets to do that nifty ballet spin from Diana Prince to Wonder Woman but McGonagall can turn into a cat. Take that Amazon Princess!

So if they're the Super Friends, what does that make Voldemort? Lex Luthor? The Joker? Well he's bald like Luthor. But come on! That face had to come out of somebody's joke kit. Let's just say he's a seriously creepy combo of the two with a pinch of Charles Manson and leave it at that.

2. What the heck is a Hufflepuff?
I mean you say Slytherin, I think of snakes and cunning. You say Gryffindor, I think of lions and courage. You say Ravenclaw, I think of ravens and wisdom. But you say Hufflepuff and I think "Huffle-what?" Sounds like a breakfast cereal. (Would you like whole or skim milk with your Hufflepuffs?) Now don't get me wrong. I love the underdog and the Hufflepuffs are the underdogs of Hogwarts. Even their Head of House gets no respect. Madame Sprout never sits in on Dumbledore's war councils. Oh sure they needed her in the Chamber of Secrets for her mandrakes but did anybody see hide or hair of her after that movie? Heck Hagrid gets more screen time than she does and he never even graduated! And don't try to say Flitwick is equally ignored. He isn't. He at least gets to direct the students' musical performances. And he shows up in the Great Hall for meals. Where does Sprout eat? With the house elves?

Nobody really gives a crap about Hufflepuff do they? It’s hard to make a mark when you’re seen as a bunch of happy little Rice Krispy elves. It’s harder to claw your way out from under a pile of sugar. Cedric Diggory tried and look where it got him: he was Voldemort’s pre-resurrection appetizer. Was that not the saddest, briefest moment of House glory in Hogwarts' history?

But I wouldn't count Hufflepuff completely out. Sure, they can't promise the thrills of Gryffindor, the intrigue of Slytherin or the intellect of Ravenclaw. But keep your eye on them. After all, what did Shakespeare write? “We do sugar oe’r the devil himself.” There’s GOT to be more going on in that sweet little house than meets the eye. Hopefully some creative fan fic writer will invent a sugary devil or two.
Copyright 2008 by T.L. Heard

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